Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in claire's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
2:42 pm	Smiles... Things are looking up. Both jobs are going really well, I've found my niche at Max and Ermas. Loving the little social life I have aside from homework and school and all that jazz. School is going well, lots of midterms, but they're turning out all right. Looking for living arrangments next fall, not too concerned, everything falls into place eventually. :) Thanks to everyone who's putting a smile on my face, you rock! Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 12th, 2003
2:14 pm	This Week... This weeks has taught me a lot of things. It hasn't taught me who my true friends are, because I know that I have many out there, and they're all pulling for me and supporting me, just in different ways. I know now that I'm not as strong as I thought I was, and it's ok to cry, because sometimes life hurts, a lot. I need to put myself first,and not be afraid of asking for help, there is no shame in needing to lean on someone. Family should come first, they are afterall, the people that you can keep coming back to when things get rough. If I didn't have my family, God only knows where I would be now, definately not here. Little things can be quickly blown up to huge things, I can't rely on the fact that people know what's going on inside of me, especially if I'm not spelling it out for them, and I can't rely on the fact that I will always be there when something is decided, and for those things, that I'm not there for, just chalk it up as life. Not much you can do afterwards... it's not worth creating tension for the rest of the year. Life happens, it's better just to get over it and get on with it. Live and learn... Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 30th, 2003
9:45 pm	Apologies to all that meet me in the near future, these drugs either have me asleep or slap happy, let's hope for happy for move in tomorrow... it's rough being green Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
9:23 pm	My head is pounding, I can feel my heart in my chest, it's hard to take a deep breath, it's like an anxiety attack, but it's been going on for an hour now, I don't know what to do, I'm kind of scared, I took some meds, but it's not working, scary as hell, I'm craving a cigarette which is just absurd, I haven't had one in over a year, and I've had a total of what, five in my life? I don't want to be home, but I have no where to go, so much going through my head, I want to disappear, yet I don't want to leave anyone, I should be happy, but I'm preventing myself from being so, I need a vacation or a break or a life changing event, I need something, please, I'm scared... Current Mood: scared (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 27th, 2003
7:26 pm	I was listening to the John Mayer Song, Why Georgia, it fits how I feel right now so perfectly it's scary. So basically, he wrote my lj for me... I am driving up 85 in the Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon Just stuck inside the gloom 4 more exits to my apartment but I am tempted to keep the car in drive And leave it all behind Cause I wonder sometimes About the outcome Of a still verdictless life I rent a room and I fill the spaces with Wood in places to make it feel like home But all I feel's alone It might be a quarter life crisis Or just the stirring in my soul So what, so I've got a smile on But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head Don't believe me When I say I've got it down Everybody is just a stranger but That's the danger in going my own way I guess it's the price I have to pay Still "everything happens for a reason" Is no reason not to ask myself If I am living it right Am I living it right? Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why? Current Mood: gloomy (Comment on this)
Monday, July 21st, 2003
10:47 pm	Still here... Burnt my hand a little at work, third degree, that's Claire style, all the way or not at all. One of my young ones today decided to grab those two fingers and squeeze, I thought I was going to die, ah well... Been talking to Dez a bit, he's a security guy at the zoo, he's fun to talk to and a real sweetheart, unfortunately, my phone bill is going to be huge. Went running tonight, knee is ok, but I tripped over a root, whatever. I'm going to take a shower now, so I can wake up fresh and ready for tomorrow. Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
6:41 pm	Mixed up... I have a lot of mixed emotions, I'm not really sure where I want to go from here. There is definately no easy solution, and I'm pretty discontent with where I am, so I can't even stay here. I should be disgusted by men, but instead I find myself looking for their friendship and companionship, I still love my job, and most of the people I work with, but being a teacher for the rest of my life is starting to scare me, I want to learn how to do so many things, but I'm scared to try any of them, I want to run far away, and start over, start new, but I don't want to have to leave everything behind, just most of it. It's so frustrating... Current Mood: frustrated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 4th, 2003
10:14 am	Hmmm.... Now where the hell did I put that book, the one that says what to do next, you know, the manual that comes with life... maybe it's over there..... Current Mood: contemplative (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 27th, 2003
7:04 pm	? Is it possible to delete parts of your life? Holding on to the last few straws... Current Mood: gloomy (Comment on this)
Monday, June 23rd, 2003
10:25 pm	I fucking hate my car, when it's fixed, I'm getting in it, driving as far away as possible from this place, leaving it somewhere, and starting a new life, it's just easier that way. Current Mood: pissed off (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
5:57 pm	#*%$! I'm so frustrated, please, please, please, let something work out soon. Stupid ass ghetto cruiser is in trouble. My dad and I worked on it today, and now it's worse than it was. So, I'll take it to the shop tonight, after Chris gets home. It's going to be expensive. Davin is a write off, for sure. I'm a bit sunburnt, from yesterday, but it was well worth it. It was the best time I've had in months. Full days at the zoo start tomorrow, it's supposed to be really hot, looks like we'll be in the sprinklers a lot. Tons of art homework to do, I have critiques to do before I can go to the fireworks on Wednesday, please let there be time. I really want to go. If anyone has a smile to send my way, I could use it today. I changed my IM name, again, I like this one so I think I'll use it more: ButterflyZEA Current Mood: distressed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
10:56 pm	Still breathing... Life has been really stressfull lately. So many little things that have just been piling up on me. Well, actually they're big things, but I can't do anything about them, so why be so down? Three more art classes. Hours at the zoo were cut back, we're working on it. Checked out a jeep today, not too bad money wise, now I have to check out insurance, and then where I could work next fall to afford everything. Right. Any time now I'll wake up and stop dreaming. Zoo was rough today, a few hellish kids, tomorrow will be better. :) Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
10:03 pm	ZOO!!! Gave my phone number to Davin, he never called, his loss right? Zoo started, there are a ton of great new teachers, I'm going to have a really good year. I'm doing single day this year, instead of weeklong. That means I'll have different kids for each day. I also get to do Zoo Snooze, which is an overnight at the zoo, myself, one of the other single day teachers, and 12 kids, 8-10 years old. That will be great!! I'm really excited for that. Met the aides breifly today, they seem good, it was great to see everyone again from last year. I get to drive in with Carla tomorrow morning, I've missed her a lot the past few days, it's a long trip without her! Working at the flowershop this weekend, there are two weddings to do. Sunday is father's day, which means my mom's side of the family will be coming over for the annual burger burn, lots of fun, but lots to do. Still searching for a jeep and the winning lottery ticket which I'll need to buy it. Not minding the single life, but it'd be nice to have someone to hang out with, I'm tired of being old. Maybe some people will feel like hanging out at the zoo sometimes, my art class only meets four more times, so that will be a relief. More free time, no homework and all that. Gosh it's good to be back at the zoo...all my reservations about the staff are gone, I know it's going to be a great year. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003
8:32 pm	Blah... Went to the doctor for my knee, she's sending me to physical therapy. However, I have no time to go, because the zoo starts on Monday. Ah well. Came home, went to work at the greenhouse for an hour, they were slow, so I came back home and helped my mom in the yard. We got two yards of dirt this morning, so I helped her move all of that to the back yard. Then we laid a bunch of brick for our patio. Chris couldn't get more brick, cause his new job kept him late. I might end up going to get it in his truck later this week. Art homework to do tonight, boo on that, missed a chance to go to the Dixie Chicks concert, I get serious negative points for that one. Spoot. Working this much sucks. Blah... Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Monday, June 2nd, 2003
9:55 pm	Bleck... I got a whole day off yesterday!! It was a break to my personal record of thirty-eight straight days of work. I slept in until noon, did four and a half hours of homework for art class, and went out to the store. My mom and I also laid some brick for our new patio. It was a good time. Today was back to work. Went to the dentist, it went well. Tomorrow I go to the doctor for my knee, it's been kind of bad lately. The zoo starts next Monday, one week! Two weeks 'til I get kids!! :) Leave me some love, I could use it... Current Mood: pensive (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2003
9:45 pm	Slowing down... Today was thirty days. It's hard to get up in the morning, hard to stay up past ten. No end in sight yet, even Memorial Day, 8-5 at the greenhouse. There was a car accident in front of my house today. The car flipped, the guy was ok, I guess. The cops swearched his car, and eventually put him in handcuffs and took him away. The tow truck driver was hot though. :) Two more weeks until the zoo. So the zoo will be 9-4, plus an hour drive each way. The weekends look like Saturdays at the flower shop and Sundays at the greenhouse. Maybe some evenings closing at either or. Yeah, I know I'm crazy. I don't know what I'd do with a whole day off of work anyway. ;) Call me or drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you... Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2003
10:24 pm	So, I've been working, a lot. Haven't had a day off yet, and they've been long days. Chris graduated from LTU yesterday, yeah Chris!! Rich and I broke up, and there isn't an opportunity for reconciliation. It's over, much to my family's relief, I believe. Work continues tomorrow, so I should head to bed. If any one is doing anything fun, like in the evenings, that's not too late, lol, let me know, I haven't had hardly any fun this summer and I guess I'm kind of feeling sorry for myself. Anyway, hope to hear from someone at some point, I've heard from Emily but that's it!! Night all... Current Mood: exhausted (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 16th, 2003
10:10 pm	Holding on... When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go, (hold on) When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on 'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Everybody hurts. You are not alone. This silence is tearing me apart... Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
11:06 pm	titles... I don't need a title to tell me that what I'm doing is right. I just go with how it feels, and if a title falls in place, then more power to it. ;) Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
9:11 am	: ) It is so good be alive... thank you... Current Mood: jubilant (Comment on this)